Ep 50 | Me... Finding Support Turning my Attention to the Unchanging God

Y'all. It's the 50th conversation of the podcast! And John interviews ME!

`(Also, woah 40 minutes?! Oy, the longest podcast would be my own. Oops. Just going with it.)

Also, releasing it on a Monday because it's my birthday!

Weird to write my own bio so I'll give you a glimpse of what we talked about -- self-control, being present to God throughout the day, the peace in God's immutability, why I'm excited for my 30's and more.

@realstoriesoflifewithGod
chelseaeubank.com/podcast

Transcript

Chelsea: I'm ready.

John: You ready?

Chelsea: I'm ready. I'm ready.

John: I should have thought more about what I was gonna say.

Chelsea: Do you want me to do my own thing?

John: No.

Chelsea: I should just keep all of this just for the this is the Blooper real.

John: I'm ready. You're supposed to ask the question now, John.

Chelsea: Oh, man.

John: All right, well, tell us a little bit about yourself.

Chelsea: Okay. My name is Chelsea You Bank. I am wife to John. I have two daughters, anna and Julia. I am a stay home mom, graphic designer, unprofessional writer, newpodcasthost hostess. I love hosting people in our home. We've been married for almost nine years, which is wonderful.

John: Amen.

Chelsea: We go to Kiokee. I've been there my whole life. I eat peanut butter every day, happily in various forms. I don't know.

John: That's all I can, really and your birthday is tomorrow?

Chelsea: My birthday is tomorrow. Happy birthday. The day this podcast releases. 31 years old. Happy birthday.

John: Happy birthday.

Chelsea: Yeah.

John: Sweet. Well, as you are familiar with, the first question we like to ask on our podcast is what currently stirs your love for God?

Chelsea: Before I answer any of these questions, I have to tell everyone that I now feel in your shoes that I've taken a lot of time to think about what I would say on these answers, because it would be kind of silly if I'm asking other people to answer them and I can't answer them. Thing that's currently stirring my love for the Lord most is reorienting my attention toward Him throughout the day, all the time. Dallas Willard has a quote that when we moved into this house three and a half years ago, three years ago, I taped it to the fridge. And I look at that quote all day, every day. And it's kind of been a good example of something that would form me in a very indirect way because I see it every day and it's just embedding itself in the way that I function. So the quote is, the first and most basic thing we can and must do is to keep God before our minds. This is a fundamental secret of caring for our souls. Our part in thus practicing the presence of God is to direct and redirect our minds constantly to Him. In the early time of our practicing, we may well be challenged by our burdensome habits of dwelling on things less than God, but these are habits, not the law of gravity, and can be broken. A new grace filled habit will replace the former ones as we take intentional steps toward keeping God before us. Soon our minds will return to God as the needle of a compass constantly returns to the north. If God is the great longing of our souls, he will become the pole start of our inward beings. Yes. I think that's in the season of life that I am in, young motherhood, my devotional life looks very different from day to day. But I have never felt as intimate with the Lord as I do right now in my life. And I think part of that is, no matter what I'm doing, I can be attentive to him or I can invite him into the moment or I can rehearse some line of one psalm and meditate on that and let it form me or help me adore him without needing a ton of methodology that I think I grew up with needing or being told that I needed. And I think that might have added burden as opposed to freedom for me. So something that's really stirring my life for the Lord that kind of goes with that is prayer, honestly. And the presence of the Lord. I never really relied. I mean, I relied on the Holy Spirit, but never so much as since becoming a mom, being at home with them, with Anna, especially at the beginning, it was definitely what I wanted. But I was just amazed that I never felt lonely ever. Like I just knew whether I was folding laundry or playing with her, that I was never alone. There was someone there I could talk to. There was someone there that wanted to help me, but he might have always been there but my attention might not have always been. So. That Dallas willer quote has really changed my entire inner spiritual life by saying that if God is who he is and he promises to be with me and I'm going to get to this later because one of my later answers kind of goes along with that, then I want to be as present to him as he is to me. And so that reorientation. It's kind of amazing. It's totally true. It's exactly happened as Dallas said it.

John: Would have it for me.

Chelsea: Yes. And without even really trying to I've just been reading that quote and asking the Lord for that. He said, soon our minds will return to God as the needle of a compass constantly returns to the north. If God is the great longing of our souls, he will become the pole star of our inward beings. I never have to tell myself to think about God. Like never have to think about God. It is like a like a magnet constantly. Now, some of that is not like pleasant, happy feelings. I feel so close to God. Some of that is just outright desperate need and some of that is I don't really feel you right now, but I know you are the best place to go anyway, that reorientation. That reorienting. My attention to him has made that practice has made a huge difference for me.

John: I'm struck by that because Pastor Steve recently teaching out of Romans and he talked about how the primary battle in our spirituality I think a lot of people think it's in the heart, but he was emphasizing the primary battle in our spirituality is in the mind. And so it's really interesting that you say that. Turning your attention and that renewal of your mind, taking thoughts captive, that kind of thing has been transformative because it seems to really line up with what he was talking about. That's pretty cool that those kind of affirm each other.

Chelsea: Yeah. There is a blog post I read years ago and I kept these two paragraphs everywhere. I mean, they're on anything that I do. So I said after saying, yes, it is noisy both in here and out there. We take the first small step towards unfractured living. We ask God for help, to attune to the voice that matters most. Remember, we are not seeking perfection. We are simply trying to cultivate interior spaciousness by not adding noise that distracts us but never really fulfills us. Noise is not always bad, it can be a gift. But we must recognize that filling the empty spaces of our lives with more noise will not save us. When our Savior came up out of the silent waters of baptism, he heard the voice of His Father, naming him beloved. Then he was sent into the silent desert silence of prayer, fasting, trial temptation which led to the salvation of the world. Ultimately, this is why we practice silence, reorientation prayer, to hear ourselves named over and over in a way that saves us and knew that we are beloved. And I read that quote because one of the things that's helped me with reorienting is kind of what some traditions call centering prayer. Like you find a phrase or a verse that you just mark up everywhere and it's like what has that been for you?

John: Have you had some that?

Chelsea: I have had a variety of them trying to think. Most of them I make into Apple Watch wallpapers because then I can see the time and the whole thing is right there. Well, like you got Psalm 27 one thing ask of the Lord this only seek that I would dwell in the house of Lord, gaze upon the beauty of his temple and inquire in his temple the Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. I say that one a lot. Or Isaiah 41 ten, fear not, I'm with you, I will help you. There's a lot of really big things to me about praying as you go and being with God as you go and growing up. I equated being with God as feeling his presence, having that sensation and just feeling like wow, I feel that he is with me right now. And that is a gift that he does long to give, I think. I think it's a gift he gives that tangible rush of peace in your heart and soul and you just know it. But I depended too much on that. So then when I didn't have that feeling, I felt like I was far from Him. But I think now I'm in a place where if I believe that you are who you say you are and that what is true and your word is true, you are with me always, whether I feel it or not. But even if I don't feel it, you are still worthy of my attention, me turning. And whether you give something to me or not, I am still adding something to our relationship by turning my attention to you. It's still doing something in my heart and soul whether I experience a tangible feeling or not. And that's just really changed my relationship with Him. It's helped me love God for God, not for what he gives me and not for the warm, fuzzy feelings that he does for me. It's really helped me learn how to trust him and serve him and turn to him and orient myself around him, orbit my entire self around him because he's God and because he's worthy of it and because he loves me, not because of what God.

John: Plus, X makes sense in that quote. He talks about how it'll be a little bit of a struggle, but it's not the law of gravity, right? How has that process been for you? That kind of you said now it's easier, it's become more of a habit. Easy, maybe the wrong word, but it's become more natural. More natural and more of a thing that is part of your life, but it wasn't always. So what was that? Describe that process a little bit for those of us that want that too.

Chelsea: I think before I would have felt like keeping God before my mind meant I was doing a particular thing.

John: Like if I was sitting down with.

Chelsea: Your Bible in front of you, the methods were very traditional, and if I weren't doing this, then it wasn't happening or it wasn't right, didn't count. It didn't count or it wasn't enough. In a lot of my life with the Lord, up until probably the last five years, if I was really honest, I thought about God, or it was about God maybe 40% of the time and about me 60% of the time. I felt okay with Him if I felt like I was okay with Him, and I didn't feel like I thought he was disappointed in me if I didn't feel like I was doing the right things. All from your perspective, all from my measurement, like I was measuring, this is what you do to cultivate a relationship with the Lord. And if you don't do those things, then you're not doing enough or you're doing it wrong. And so I ended up, just navel gazing a lot. And I was looking at myself and I was measuring myself, and I was.

John: It makes sense to me that this idea of turning your mind to Him and resting your mind reorienting, you said towards Him, because who you find when you do that is a God who with unconditional love for you. And so it's like that certainly would stir your love for God, because when you look at Him, when you turn your attention to Him, there's love. And that love, of course, can have rebuke or correction or other things in it, but I don't think it never it never doesn't have love. Like, all of those things are in love, right? And so that's pretty cool that I think sometimes people might be afraid to turn to the Lord or I might be hesitant to do that. For whatever reason, I might be unsure of what I'm going to get there. And what I hear you saying is, if we put this into practice, we're going to find God, his love.

Chelsea: Yes. And when you say that, I'm reminded of story of the prodigal Son, and I think what you think I'm about to say is the younger son coming back. But the thing that struck me the most recently is the Father's response to the older son. What he says to the older son is, you are with me always, and all that I have is yours.

John: Yeah.

Chelsea: So, like, do I wake up operating from that script about God or something totally different? All the gospel truths about access to God in Christ, fullness of Christ, sufficiency of Christ being in Christ, all the biblical truth about being in Christ. This is one thing, too, that really struck me that I remember, I think I told it to you at one point, I was like, if I'm too tired to pray or turn to God because I've given my capacity to other things, I'm probably doing it wrong. There's something not correct in how I'm viewing God if I think I have to get something together to come. But this way of doing this orientation, this reorienting all throughout the day, like whatever state I am in is what I'm but the point is me opening myself up to Him. And what you just said is his response will always be love. He will always receive me in whatever state I am in because of Christ. And it took me a while because I wanted to earn it. I wanted to be good enough for it. And he said, this is your home. My love for you is your home. This is where you live. And if you look other places or you run other directions, this is still your home. But I'm training your heart and mind to come back to it quicker and more often.

John: That reminds me of another teaching from Dallas Willard. That quote is from Dallas Willard. And his reminder was sometimes grace gets stuck in the justification category for us. It's the thing that saved me. I didn't earn my salvation. And I think a lot of us don't struggle with that part. But once we're in Christ, we think we got to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps. And he says, grace isn't like some consolation prize spiritually. It's the best thing going, and it's the thing we need to live into every day. Not just rely on this one time for my initiation relationship with him, but the thing that I feels every interaction I have with him because that's the way he operates is grace.

Chelsea: Yes.

John: And that's a really helpful idea to remind myself to live that each day, not just think of that as only a salvation oriented thing.

Chelsea: Right? Yeah, it's good.

John: Okay, what currently stifles your love for God?

Chelsea: Okay, man, I meant to look up this proverb. You might know what it is. Okay. So I landed on I had a couple of these, y'all. I had a couple of these and I landed on one. What stifles my love for God is a lack of self control. There's a proverb that talks about a lack of self control is like a city without walls. Just looked it up. Proverbs 25 28. A man without self control is like a city broken into and left without walls. Kind of like that constant noise, hurry, excess. My love for the Lord really gets stifled, clouded, tired, lazy. When I'm without a lot of walls, without not a great gatekeeper of my desires or my time or my capacity. I've been thinking I told you this the other day that I've kind of been thinking of it as like when I start out in the beginning of the day, the jar is full and any choice that I make kind of pours out some capacity. Whether it's something positive, like a teaching moment with Anna or a good conversation with you or something kind of negative or not as beneficial or helpful like an hour of Netflix or scrolling on something or shopping. I'm talking unnecessary things. I'm talking excessive things. Right then when the girls need me for something or something's really dramatic, I'm a lot more exasperated because I've used that capacity on other things. And I also was thinking about my phases of functioning chart.

John: This will be complicated.

Chelsea: Yeah. Let me just say I'm not going to get into it. But basically I was thinking about how we have like on the one side of the spectrum, there is burnout and exhaustion, and on the other side of the spectrum, there is laziness. And that's just the best word. And in the middle there's leisure, true Sabbath play, really helpful, good, restful things. And there's also activity, like faithful obedience. And then there's readiness, I guess. Kind of in the middle.

John: Yeah.

Chelsea: And so on either side, the burnout and the laziness is like sleepy. It's being sleepy to the Lord. Because I'm numb or I'm escapism. I'm trying to escape from my life because I'm overwhelmed and I'm stressed. I haven't put good boundary lines on my lack of self control. I haven't wisely put some boundaries in place. But in the middle, that faithful obedience and that readiness is awake, it's alert. Jesus has that parable about the bridegroom, the bridegroom, the women keeping their lamps lit. My lack of self control really kind of ensnares me when I can't stop a TV watching or like a shopping thing or I'm overexpending myself in commitments or even food. I mean, too much sugar or caffeine or something like to say. A lack of self control really feeds into my alertness and my awakeness and my readiness and my openness and attention to the Lord. And I can feel it when it's happening and sometimes I make the right about face repentance or at least making those minor adjustments. It doesn't have to be a huge swing. I have to all of a sudden be anti TV for six months. But it is just being aware because my soul now can feel it when I'm in a situation and I have not made the best choices or I have just let it go with no self control. My soul can really feel it.

John: I think a lot of people will be able to relate to that. I think that's something we all know in some form or fashion in our life, and it may have different expressions, a particular activity or whatever it is, but we know the exhaustion of overwork and we probably know the exhaustion of stuff. Myself at the Thanksgiving meal, either end of that spectrum versus the readiness that self requires some self discipline to stay in the middle of that spectrum.

Chelsea: Yeah, and there's so much grace for it. God has so much grace. I give myself a lot of grace, but there just is this it doesn't make me feel that great. So it's almost making the choice between this is an okay choice, but is this the good choice for me? Is this the best choice for me? It might be fine even for the long run, even for the week, even for the day. It might be an okay choice, but just for me to pay attention to when I just open those gates and those walls are just totally crushed or whether I'm making some wise choices, that's good. The life application study Bible for Hebrews twelve. One commentary that I use online is called the Enduringword.com He brings through different quotes from different pastors for different verses and just does a really good job breaking it down. So they're talking about Hebrews Twelve, which is let us throw off everything that hinders, lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily entangles. Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us fixing our eyes on Jesus the pioneer perfector of our faith. There will be hard things things you choose and things you don't. But are you engaging in those hard things with additional anchors and weight and baggage slowing and pulling and burdening you down? It's like we all have what God has given us in our life. I have a husband and two girls and the church family that I am in, the home that I am in, the people that he has put in my life, the work that he has given me to do, those are things that he has given me to do. And then there are extra things that I put on, things that are kind of unnecessary, some things that are good and necessary that I'm adding, and some things that are kind of unnecessary. And so just making sure I'm keeping a beat on myself, I guess, and saying I have these big things right now. Are they harder because I'm not having self control in these areas? Are they harder because my walls are just totally down and anything is in? Or are they hard because this is just the hard that he's asking me to persevere in and these choices can help me do that or they can hurt me in doing that. Does that make sense?

John: Yes.

Chelsea: Okay. That's why I brought a life out. So I did put a life application study Bible quote in here for that verse in Hebrews Twelve. The Christian life involves focus and training. It requires us to give up whatever hinders or endangers our relationship with God and to run with stamina and commitment in the power of the Holy Spirit. We will stumble if we look away from Him to worry about ourselves or look at the opposition, trials or suffering facing us. We should be running solely for Christ, not our own glorious success. And we must always keep Him in sight. So I guess thinking about that, on the one side of the spectrum you have burnout and on the other side you have laziness. Like something about keeping him in my periphery. I don't have to be staring directly at Him all the time, but if he's in enough of my sight and I'm alert enough to know when he's either directing me somewhere or trying to encourage me somehow or putting someone in front of me, I want to have the window of vision for that. And I think when I don't have any walls, when I a lack of self control, it's very cloudy and very foggy and it makes me more tired spiritually, honestly, which sometimes I let myself stay in for weeks, sometimes it's only hours, sometimes it's days. But anyway, I'm trying to do a little bit better at noticing when that is happening and deciding from there anyway.

John: Yeah, I think that's really good to acknowledge because that's one of those that sneaks in like the fruit of the Spirit. And I just kind of like to read over it because self control is hard. But I think it really ties in with your stirs, your love for God answer of turning your attention to Him. But when all these other things are jumping up and clamoring for your attention, it's the reverse. It it feels like the reverse. It's the turning your attention towards Him or all these other things are grabbing at your attention and it's turning away from him. And that's a lack of, in part can be a lack of self control that's in us. And man, I think that's a universal thing. Yeah, that's really good. Okay, number three. The truth that God is blank means a lot to you because blank.

Chelsea: Okay, this one's kind of hard for me. Hard for the first 5 minutes and then I knew exactly what I was going to say. Okay. The truth that God is immutable, which means unchanging, means a lot to me because everything else can.

John: Oh, yeah.

Chelsea: Okay. The truth that God never changes means a lot to me because everything else in my life can change.

John: Yeah.

Chelsea: Today on a dime. Quickly. Up and down all the time, no control. I stole this from who did I stole this from Ligonier. I think the Lord is immutable. It is impossible for his character or being to undergo any mutation. His power cannot be augmented or diminished. He never learns or forgets and he cannot be anything other than perfectly holy. Human beings can change in a multitude of ways, but our Father remains ever the same. I feel like this first came to me when I was deep in my earning. Because to earn the idol of self sufficiency that phariseeical spirit comes from either a too low view of yourself like shame, guilt thinking I could change God's feelings about me because I'm so bad or I've made this mistake and pride too high view of myself thinking that I could change God's feelings about me with my good stuff. Right. In both the high or the low, I'm thinking I have the power to change him, change anything he wants to be true. And I can't. He is unchanging. What he says goes. What he has said about himself, what he has said in the Bible, the most concrete way that we have to know him, what he has said is always true. What I learn about him, what I experience of him, what I know of him is who he will always be. And it really humbled me so much when I realized the pride that I was worried and anxious that I could change him. That's really what it came down to. I was like, are you kidding me? I mean, I sat with that so humbled, soberly humbled. And I'm like, how could I ever think that yeah. How could I ever think that I am more powerful than him to change his heart towards me when he has said that this is what his heart is towards me? So to know that when things happen, he is not changed. Because a lot of times we equate my circumstances with how he feels about me. Something's really hard. He's not with me. Something didn't go my way. I've disappointed him or something, or maybe I did something wrong. But the truth that his presence in nature would not be weakened by my lack of faith or even a disobedient choice. Or that his love and acceptance of me are not threatened by my mistakes or my struggles with sin or with lesser desires that I pursue or my lack of self control. Sometimes that no matter the state I find myself in, he is never not himself. He cannot be. It would be going against his nature because he's holy, which I heard. I can't remember who said this, but someone gave a good definition of holy. They were like, God is holy, meaning he is W-H-O-L-L-Y like perfectly every one of his attributes. So for God to be holy means he is. He perfectly loves you. He's perfectly kind. He's perfectly just. He's perfectly omniscient. Like there is no lack in any of his attributes, which is why means he's holy. It really probably impacts me daily that no matter how many things change or have the possibility of changing, for better or for worse, that he is always God, but he's also always God for me. And that is just huge. That the days that I feel hard from Him or because I'm busy with my life, or I feel overwhelmed or tired or I've made some poor choices, or I'm making great choices and life is just life. Nothing about it's like Romans eight situation. Nothing about that can put an iota of space between me and Him. None of those things. Nothing in me, even, because that was the thing that I think I can't remember if it's in Romans eight or not, but sometimes I add that into Romans eight. It's like neither famine or destruction, I said, or me. Nothing in me can separate me from Him. None of my stuff, our own sin. Yeah. None of my failures or imperfections or things that I have deemed unworthy or something. Or like I chose to not watch Netflix or I chose to not spend my money in this way, or I chose to be selfish about this, or I gossiped about he does not change. Cannot. Not just chooses not to, but cannot. I remember having one image of God being like trusting God, being kind of like a high ropes course, and that the harness is the Lord and the harness never moves. I move in the harness and I walk and I might trip over and fall or not miss the step or have to do the big thing, but the harness is always I just have to step in the harness. The harness will always be there. I just have to step in the harness and do anything in the harness. But I'm. Just in harness anyway. Yeah, it kind of goes back to my earlier thing of loving Him for Himself. Like learning these things about the Lord and adoring Him and worshipping Him and serving Him because he's this big, beautiful, powerful, kind person. Not because he makes me feel a particular way, because there are seasons when he's quiet and if I'm going off of what he gives me, I'm going to wonder if something is up. But if I can stake my whole faith and relationship with Him and cultivating this life with Him on Him and not myself, if I can hinge all of that on Him, then whatever kind of day I'm having, it makes it way harder for the Devil to get into my mind and accuse me that he's left me. Did God really say X, Y and Z all the things early back in the garden? Did God really say I can pick those things apart now way more than I could ten years ago? Not because I think I've even gotten mature in this X, Y and Z, but I think because I've made it more about Him than I have about myself.

John: That's good. Anyway, that makes me think about the way that he has revealed Himself, which is through His Word and so many places. It reminds us that His Word endures forever. And it's fascinating, like, for me to think about something I said five years ago, ten years ago, or as a child, I would be embarrassed.

Chelsea: I'd be like, yeah, please let someone.

John: Forget I never said that. That sounded silly.

Chelsea: Yeah.

John: The words that God spoke to humanity 2000, 3000 years ago stand for like the words we have in Genesis and through the Psalms and then in the prophets and now those are enduring. And that reminds me of that unchanging nature that he has. The Word that he said generations ago stands just as firm as ever. And then some of the images that His Word gives us of Him a fortress, a rock, we can stake our like, all these immovable type images. Really awesome quality that he has that I don't think about a whole lot. But I'm really encouraged when you say his unchanging nature, his immutability, because that's a really good one to remember and adore Him for. Appreciate that the Lord is that way because nothing else is the truth. That God is immutable means a lot to you because everything else is. Not everything else can change. That's another admission that's kind of like, I don't want to admit that something can go awry or be different than I expected. That's like, probably a pretty healthy thing to say. Man, if I start going around putting my faith in all these other things, it's not going to go as well as I hope. I mean, even we had that encouragement with premarital stuff like, hey, your spouse is going to be different ten years from now than they are right now you're marrying a dynamic person and that's a good thing, hopefully. But we can't get stuck on things have to work out exactly like I want with earthly things because they're because they're changing. But the best place to go with that is to the Lord because of his unchanging nature and everything else finds its grounding and healthy roots and stability in his unchanging.

Chelsea: Yes.

John: So what is something that you are looking forward to, Chelsea?

Chelsea: Okay. In the short term, I'm looking forward to all our travels this year. Tell me about it. We are going to for a fun overnight for your birthday. It was for your birthday present. We're going to Charleston and then we're going to the beach. We're going to the mountains. 4 July we're going to the beach. At some point we're going to a conference, Indianapolis together? Yeah. I'm very excited. I'm excited because Jules is going to be one and she's a lot more independent than she was last year when we were trying to do things. So I'm just super pumped about them being more mobile and enjoying more things and doing more things.

John: You love to travel.

Chelsea: I love to travel. I would go somewhere every month. If I cannot wait till our kids are old enough, then I don't have to be worried about leaving them. We can all go together and then in the long term I'm really looking forward to this decade of life. I'm really looking forward to my thirty s. I know that I have so much more change and transformation and life to live and I'm going to be up and down and it's going to be full and rich and by God's grace, hopefully wonderful. But I have never been so content and settled in myself as I am right now.

John: Sweet.

Chelsea: I've grown up a people pleaser, insecure, anxious, tons of comparison, tons of trying to really want people to like me. And I do want people to like me, but I just have this peace, just peace about being me and how he wired me. And the most christ like Chelsea I can be. Not just like me alone by myself on this island, but this is how he wired me. Here's the growth edges that I'm working on. And here's the grace things that I give. But also here's just the really awesome, fun things that I bring to the table that are very unique to me or things that I've just really stepped into in the last couple of years that I'm part naturally good at, but just really enjoy doing that. I'm just like filling my life with so much joy and fun and just rightness kind of for me. But I say that also to say that I rarely ever am looking at someone else and feeling unsettled about myself. I've reached this like I want to learn, I want to grow. Someone else has something they're doing with the Lord. Then I'm like lord, I want more of you like that person does there's that that I love and will continue to do. But I used to have if someone would talk about something they would do, I'm like, I should be doing that too. I should be more like that personality things or just different activity things. I'm like I should be more like that. I should be less like this. And I just am very excited about the contentment that I have because I'm really seeing how it offers other people this faith to be themselves. Anyway, it's just like a really sweet gift of God and I'm very excited about it. So I'm really excited about the next decade of just really walking in that and seeing all that the Lord is going to do in me and the people closest to me. So, yeah, I'm just really excited about that.

John: Well, normally, at this stage of the podcast, we say thank you for coming on. But I'll speak for all of your listeners and those of us that love what you've done with this and say thank you not only for sharing your story, which is always very real. And one of the reasons why so many people love you is because of your realness and authenticity. So your real stories of life with God. But thank you for putting it together and serving your community and friend group by recording some of these, because it's a great ministry and you do a great job with it. So thank you for sharing today and for 50 episodes of the podcast.