Maggie Dillard, y'all. She's a writer living in New York City learning sweet dependence on the Lord as she watches Him work small and large details out in her life. We talk about everything from prayer to disappointment over circumstances to big dreams. If you are in a season of waiting or worry or uncertainty, Maggie's honest testimony will greatly encourage you!
Maggie Dillard, y'all. She's a writer living in New York City learning sweet dependence on the Lord as she watches Him work small and large details out in her life. We talk about everything from prayer to disappointment over circumstances to big dreams. If you are in a season of waiting or worry or uncertainty, Maggie's honest testimony will greatly encourage you!
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Speaker 2:Hey friends, welcome to real stories of life with God, the podcast with our pretty explanatory title, because that's what we're here for a conversation with real people about their unique life with God. I'm your host, Chelsea UBank. And I'm so glad you're here. Let's jump into today's episode. Okay. So Maggie, I'm super excited that you're joining me. I'm super excited to talk to you. We have known each other for many years.
Speaker 3:I know I was thinking before this, I was thinking of that and I think I've known you and Kendall since I was 11 and now I'm 26.
Speaker 2:Wow. Okay. So give everybody some context about
Speaker 3:You. Yes. So, um, my name is Maggie Dillard. I, um, am from Augusta, Georgia, and I had this big, crazy dream to move to New York city. Um, pretty much all my life. And after college, I finally got the courage and the opportunities just arose. So I have been living here now in New York for a little over four years, which is also really crazy. Um, but I think, um, a lot of people know, so I, I am an editor for a women's magazine and I think a lot of people who know me know that part of me, you know, like it's on my Facebook, my LinkedIn, you know, people know that, but I think a lot of people don't necessarily know like how my story of how I actually got here and that I used to fantasize about like living in New York and working for this particular magazine publishing company. Actually, I even had a journal growing up that I still have, that I had written out like my life to do list, like things that I wanted to do in my lifetime. And one of the things I had written on there was that I wanted to be a writer and I ended up crossing it out right after I wrote it because I just felt like it was impossible. You know, especially being like a magazine editor in New York, it just seemed like something that only happened in movies and TV shows, you know? So I actually went to college originally to do speech pathology. Um, and then about a year and a half into college, I came to New York for the first time. And I met a bunch of my friends, brothers, friends, if you can follow that. Um, and they were just going, they were going to college here. They were doing, they were doing the thing that I had always dreamed of. And so I realized that I could actually do this. And so then I came back to school, changed my major. And then right after college, I started looking for jobs and I always just came back to the jobs that were available for this particular company. Um, because I knew that that was always my dream. And then I ended up getting an internship there that turned into a full-time job, which kind of now morphed into what, the position that I have now. So it does just like make me smile every time I have the opportunity to tell that story, because it reminds me so much of, you know, how God, how God can so intricately weave our lives together and how he brought things just completely full circle for me. And it just makes me want to hug a 12 year old Maggie and tell her never to doubt God's goodness. So that's like a little that Surrey about me. Um, yeah, I think my favorite thing about living in New York is, um, you know, they talk about it being like a melting pot of different people of literally every race, every culture, every background nobody's story is different. And, you know, I mean, we obviously all know that everybody is made differently and we're all unique creations. And not that the south isn't, you know, unique and everyone isn't unique there, but I think here it's, you can be on a train going somewhere or the subway, you can be going somewhere and there will be someone from all different countries, speaking, all different languages, you know, all having unique stories. And, um, it just re like, I can look around, you know, just walking down the street to go on a run or to go to the pharmacy and I can see, you know, how beautiful, like God specifically made each one of his creations. And that right there just, you know, reminds me every single day of like, like how big he is, I think like, and, and that to, you know, just walking down the street and all the buildings, even though, you know, he didn't make the buildings, he made the people that made the buildings and you just feel so small and it makes you realize how big he is. And it's really a beautiful, cool thing. You know, every day that I get to experience with him, when I first got here, I had known that I wanted to live here for so long. Like I, I had been YouTube watching YouTube tutorials about how to navigate the subway. That's how, like, I that's how much, I didn't know anyone here. I didn't even have anyone to talk to about that and have them explain that to me. So I was watching YouTube tutorials about that. And so I already kind of knew that part of it, but I mean, there's so many times when you get completely lost and I phones are, so you would, it's crazy how much they've changed even just in the past four years. But when I first got here, it wasn't as easy to navigate the subway. So I would get lost all the time. Now there's like service in between each stops, but back then there say back then, like it was years ago, but it was like, you know, at that time there wasn't service. So once you had uploaded or like loaded your map on your phone, you had to just keep it there. And like you couldn't exit out of it or anything, or else it might pause and then you're lost. So there were so many times when that would happen and I would just be like, I was also, it was also the summer and the sun under the subway is the hottest place in the entire world. I'm convinced. So I'd be like sweating, you know, so frustrated on the verge of tears, you know, and I have this, um, uh, I read this book in college called the whole year of the broken. And it was about, um, that song, Holly Lluvia by Leonardo Cohen. And that's just like a song that I go back to. So often that just like reminds me of, you know, God and his presence and how close he always is to us. And there was this one particular instance when I was just so frustrated and felt so alone and I was lost and my phone wasn't loading and I down the subway, I hear a woman singing that song. And it was just like echoing through the entire subway. And I was just like, okay, you know, this is it. This is where I'm supposed to be. This is what I'm supposed to be doing. And, um, it just like was a huge reminder that I can have that peace, like even in the midst of chaos, like he is always right there with us. Okay. So
Speaker 2:A lot of, two of these questions come from Matthew 22, 36 to 40. I'm not going to read it, but Jesus has asked which commandment in the law is the greatest. And he says, love the Lord, your God, with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. So what currently stirs your love for God?
Speaker 3:When I think about that, I mean, you know, obviously there are so many things, but I think particularly, especially, you know, because of the story I just told about how, um, he, he has so far, like, so intricately woven my life together. I think the thing that serves my love for him the most, um, is just how he does that and fits all of our puzzle pieces together. This has been something huge for me lately, too, because when COVID hit my life completely changed. I had to go back to Georgia and live with my parents for seven months. And so everything that I thought that God had done, um, and was doing in my life in New York was completely disrupted. Yeah. So like, even just how I explained that I got my jobs, my job and how I met my friends and found my church home. I w I felt as though it was also undeniably orchestrated by God. And like he told me to go to New York and I just started walking into this like darkness. And then he clearly lit the path for me each step of the way, um, with each step of faith, faith that I took. And so when that happened and when COVID hit and all that just turned upside down, I found myself doubting myself, and I started wondering, did I hear him wrong or did he not weave my story together as intricately as I had thought. Um, and I started doubting whether like my story was supposed to continue in New York. And so everything that I thought that he had brought me there to do, I wondered if it were really in the cards for me anymore. And I had honestly taken so much pride in, um, how he had written my story up until that point and had just wait for what he was going to do next. And once things started to get safer, I did come back, um, in October last year. So, and then once I came back, um, I reconnected with an old friend who is now my roommate and which having a roommate in New York is such an unheard of thing. So like, that was a huge blessing. And I'm able to, still to do my job from home and the church plant that I am a part of has been working hard again, laying the foundation again, to build our church back up. And, um, most of the things that I was sitting in Georgia for seven months throughout the pandemic, wondering and worrying about God was already working on them. And he knew exactly what he was going to do to work those things out for me. So I think now thinking back on that, it serves my love for him because my entire life up until this point, he has worked everything out for the good. And so even though this variant is like ramping up again and, you know, we're, it's so easy to get fearful again of, you know, oh no, what's going to happen now. Like I can look back at all of that and not feel like that, all of what he has done is going to just get washed away because it won't, you know, like he hasn't forgotten about it. And, um, I know that what he's done, he will continue to do. All I have to do is actively pursue him and choose him each day and give him the pen to write this story because his side of the story is always going to be the best version to tell. Um, so I think that's something that just makes me love him, just simply the fact that I can count on him and that he will never do anything in vain. Oh, I
Speaker 2:Love that line that you just said, giving him the pen because his story, the way he tells it is the best. Yes. That's version of the story. I love that so much because I feel like we have a tendency to, to it's like the Proverbs three trust and Lord with all your heart and lean, not on your own understanding, even in my understanding of what I should be doing or what success looks like or what productivity looks like. And God sometimes has something totally opposite. It was almost like a question. Am I seeking what I can see, or am I seeking him? And whatever fruit comes of that, I can trust him with it. I don't have to be in
Speaker 3:Control of that.
Speaker 2:So on the other hand of that then, because that was incredibly encouraging for me, what currently stifles your love for God? So
Speaker 3:This is the question is the opposite. And my answer is the opposite for me. What is constantly stifling? My love for him is his timing, because it can be so frustrating because as I've been saying, like, I tell this whole story of how everything has just seemingly fell into place, but what went on in between those puzzle pieces, finding their place was just a period of waiting. And as I said, like the path that was dark and he led it up as I was walking. So while I was waiting for him to light up the path with each step that I took, I was still just standing there in darkness on that path. Yeah. But it was still dark and I was alone or at least what felt like I was alone, just a waiting. And it's always so hard to have hope and stay patient when you're sitting in the waiting room. And so even now there's still so many things that I hope for and dream of. And so often I still find myself saying all the time, like, God, if you would just give me this thing, now I can do X, Y, and Z, you know? And he still just says, wait. And there was even a period back in like 20 18, 20 19, when all he was saying to me was wait. And I was like pursuing the heck out of him. Like I was reading my Bible like more than I ever have in my life, because I just wanted to hear something different. And all he kept saying was just wait. And I didn't even know what I was waiting for. And I would just beg him to say something and all he would say was wait. And then, you know, we look around at our friends or our role models, or even just the standards of what the rest of society is doing. And we start comparing our timelines and we start asking, but God, what, that's what I asked for. Like, why are they getting it first? You know? And, and then it's so easy to start comparing. And then, you know, the cliche that comparison is the thief of joy. And it's also the thief of recognizing that where you are right now, he has you there. And he has a purpose for that. Um, but I was trying my best and I just remember a verse. He showed me back then, um, it was first Corinthians seven 17, and it's the message version. And it says, don't be wishing you were someplace else. Or with someone else where you are right now is God's place for you. And that verse has taken me or helped me through so many things, you know, the rest of high school college, now, everything, you know, you can apply that to literally any situation. And I think about this and the questions that I still struggle with, like this exact scenario today, like even just currently, like, when is this pandemic going to end? And when am I going to get my life back? And honestly, you know, like life in New York is so different than anywhere else. So I see like friends having weddings and traveling and doing these things. And some of those things we can't do in New York yet, you know? And so then it starts to just feel hopeless. And since he works by opening one door at a time, um, so often it feels like we're just left in the hallway, you know, waiting for the next door to open. And I, this is something that still stifles my love for him, but it doesn't ever make me question his love for me, which I think is something that, you know, is really important. And I think that even when I'm in the dark standing, you know, figuratively in this hallway all alone, I know that he's on the other side of the door. I imagine this is something that like came to mind recently. Actually, I imagine like set it, he's setting up for like a surprise party, you know, he's cleaning up, baking the cake, wrapping the gifts, even when I'm in the dark, standing in this, you know, figurative hallway, all I, I know that he's on the other side of the door. This was a, um, kind of a metaphor that I thought of recently actually. But it's I, and identities like setting up for this surprise party, like cleaning up, baking the cake, wrapping the gifts, blowing up the balloons, you know, hanging the streamers, just reading like the perfect time to open the door and yell, surprise liquid. I did it for you and celebrate with me and each new season of life that he brings me through it. So I think that was just a visual that made me realize that it's always like worth the wait. Um, but if you think about it, when someone is throwing a birthday party or a surprise party like that, you don't know about it. So you think everyone forgot your birthday, or they don't think that you're worth celebrating until the day comes and you walk in and everyone is there. And so I think that's just as similar because God is always just saying like, hang on, like I got this one more thing, and then you're going to get to see everything he's going to reveal this to us. He's not going to leave us in the dark, you know? Um, and so I think that's why we can hope and have expectation, um, because we know that he won't let us out. We're not, we know we're not going to walk into the party and there's going to be a sloppy cake that doesn't taste good or present nerve wraps and wrinkly wrapping paper or cheap decorations. No, we're going to walk into the best birthday party we've ever had. And so it's not, we're not waiting for something that isn't going to be worth waiting for. And, but I think it's also, doesn't make it easier to wait, you know, for tourists. Um, and I, it can feel so desperate and so lonely and like, you feel completely abandoned depending on, you know, when you're waiting for, but it's always worth it. And when I look back and I remember these things and I, that I so desperately waiting for and long for and hoped for, and then he did eventually lead me to those things. And it did turn out to be, um, better than I ever could have a better party than I ever could have planned for myself. You know? Yeah.
Speaker 2:I love that visual. I think that's super helpful because you kind of want something to put your energy into. It's hard to be waiting and doing nothing.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2:So it's almost like trying to find a way to actively wait or productively, wait, no in prayer or at least rehearsing past faithfulness or memorizing certain scriptures or finding rhythms that are encouraging to your heart while you're waiting on him to speak or come through or provide or something. So I fill in the blank, the truth that God is blank means a lot to you because blank.
Speaker 3:Um, for me, it's that just the truth that he cares means a lot to me, I saw this tweet that went viral recently and it said, um, um, the tea is, I'll just read it. I have it here. I'm the type that will pray about the dumbest stuff, because I really believe God cares. For example, I asked God last week, if he could help me find my left air pod, because I didn't want to buy another pair last night, I found my air pod and nobody can tell me that wasn't God. And honestly, when I first thought it started going viral, because people thought it was like so funny, but I read it. And I was like, wait, my immediate thought was, does everyone not do that? Because I knew when we pray about every single thing, like I'm having a bad hair day, I'm asking God to help me fix it. You know, like I always praying about, you know, even the silliest things, there was a time, you know, that I kind of felt bad about that because I was like, he knows there's no way he cares about this. And then, um, in 2019 it was after that period where I just was hearing him say, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Um, he finally started speaking to me again. And, um, I think I, I just started to learn like how much he does actually love when we do do that. Um, and I think sometimes like we are comparing our struggles or what we're dealing with with other people in our lives who are going through dark seasons. And we might say like, well, I'm not going to bother God with this today because you know, people are dying and people are dealing with much larger issues. Like he doesn't care about this. But I think when we do that, we limit what he's capable of doing. And like, do we think that God can't help us find our AirPod and also comfort someone who is grieving or, you know, of course he can do both things at once. So, um, so I think through certain instances, like God has spoken to me and shown me that he really does care about every single thing in our lives, no matter how big or small. And he wants to be a part of it all, he wants to re go on long car rides with us. He wants us to join in him in conversation with our friends. He wants to be invited to that surprise party, you know, he wants to be included. So just realizing that has helped me in turn realize like his love for me. So I think the truth that God does care about all those really tiny things and that he does want to be a part of our lives just means a lot to me because it reminds me daily, how much he loves me and wants me to pursue and deepen my relationship with him and how much he cares is a major quality of who he is. You know, so understanding why also in turn opens us up to experience so much more with him and in the same way, relying on him and these small things, it helps form a habit of that. And if you are habitually, turning to him every day, to ask him questions about things that you're struggling with, or to ask him to help you with the small insignificant issues, then you're going to develop that habit to immediately turn to him during the big inconveniences. You know? And so when you're going through something major, it'll be just like second nature. You immediately turned to him. You won't even have to think about it. You know? And I think that that is the foundation of having a strong relationship with him. And I just love, you know, how much I know that he cares about me. I love that. I heard a pastor say
Speaker 2:One time that when you, when you talk about the prayers and the little things he said that we honor God, and we glorify God when we come to him with our needs big or small, because we recognize that he's the source.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yes.
Speaker 2:And I never really thought about it in that context. Cause I'm, I wrestled with self-sufficiency, I'm kind of the girl who struggles with, I could probably handle it. It's fine. He is all sufficient tea is infinite. He has everything to give all the time. He never runs out. He never gets tired. He never changes. And his love and affection for me. Why would I not cultivate that dependence on him and the teeny tiny little things, because what you're, what you're getting at is you're cultivating an intimate relationship with him because you're inviting him into every moment, right? Maybe it's encouraging too, for someone, if they're in a season of waiting. Also, if you're listening that well, we sometimes struggle to embrace is the reality that he is the best thing for us. So some of the times of waiting and what you're saying, you're cultivating a dependence and an intimacy and a prayer, a real prayer, ongoing conversation with them is drawing you all these seasons of hardship or waiting, or yeah. Are kind of designed to draw us closer to the thing that we desperately need. And that ultimately satisfies us. But it's almost like these are circumstances if we reframe them. And what you're saying, reminding you about it, doesn't change. God's love for you or your belief in that, that our circumstances, if we reframe them to be invitations, to be closer and to draw closer to him and to experience more of his love as opposed to feeling like they are distancing us
Speaker 3:From him. Yes. That is so good. No, I completely agree.
Speaker 2:I heard someone say, when you go to spend time with the Lord and you kind of want him to speak to, or do you want him to encourage you or something and he doesn't, maybe he's silent remembering that he's already given you everything you need, you all ultimately need when it comes to salvation life with him and the holy spirit, but also in the scripture, like I want something fresh and he's quiet. Maybe he's mourning me to trust him when he's quiet.
Speaker 3:Yeah. There's
Speaker 2:Something very strong about knowing that at least he's with me in those things. I am not alone in that. And if his presence is all I ever really get while on earth, even if I have days where I don't believe it, it would be enough.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Wow. That's powerful. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay. Let's land the plane. Wait, last question. What is something you are looking forward?
Speaker 3:So I think I spent almost all the 2020 feeling like I had nothing to look forward to. Um, and so I think I definitely took for granted, you know, like life here in New York, like before COVID, um, at least like I was going, going, going, like, that was part of what I loved about like living in the city was just like the fast pace of it all. And I feel like I always had something to look forward to. Like there was always something to do. I always had visitors, I had trips, you know? I mean, so did everybody else, that's not something that's I own was only experiencing, but like, you know, we all had that. And then we all suddenly lost all those things. Like everything got canceled. And I think like, honestly at this point in my life, like I'm just looking forward to a time when I don't have to fear for that stuff. And I don't have to worry about when or if things are going to get canceled or, you know, if life is going to close down again. But I, I mean, I do have so much hope in that. And I mean, thinking of the big picture I look forward to taking the next step. I feel right now, like I am in that waiting room. I kind of feel like I'm just waiting to find out like when life will get back to normal, when I'm going to be able to, or like, if these events I have coming up are going to get canceled, I'm waiting for God to make a move. You know, I'm waiting for him to tell me what to do next, whatever it is is going to be another top of your, to add mice to my story, which I have learned with him will always be a story worth telling. I think that is what I'm looking forward to. That's what I feeling hopeful for. Um, and it's what I'm expecting
Speaker 2:Listening friends. It means a lot that you added us to your day to day. Thank you so much wherever you find yourself on your journey with Jesus. I hope you finished this episode with your faith cheered, refreshed or strengthened until next time.