Ep 47 | A Respiratory Therapist On Self-Doubt and God's Omniscience

Katie Demore is wife to Ethan, mom to Shane and Briggs, and respiratory therapist in Augusta, GA. We talk about parenting, self-doubt and the incredible gift of God's all-knowing nature.

@realstoriesoflifewithGod
chelseaeubank.com/podcast

Transcript

Chelsea: Our faith journey is a story unique to each individual and is constantly being written. No two people are identical. No two days are alike, but God is the same. This is the real stories of Life with God podcast, a place for honest conversations about life and faith. I'm your host, Chelsea Eubank, and I'm really glad you're here. Let's jump into today's episode.

Chelsea: So tell us a little bit about you and also give us your name because John always likes it when okay. People give their names.

Katie: All right. I'm Katie Dimore and let's see, what can I tell you? I'm married to Ethan Dimore. This year will be ten years. Wow. No, because I just went back to Au, so vacation time is rough there.

Chelsea: I forgot about that.

Katie: Yes. But yes, we plan on doing something soon. So ten years. We have two little boys, Shane and Briggs. Shane is seven and Briggs is he'll be five in June. Way too quick, but we love him. And Ethan leads worship here at Kaoki. And I'm a respiratory therapist at Augusta University. So right in the middle of the pandemic.

Chelsea: I was going to say in a couple of years. I feel like you've changed a couple.

Katie: Of different jobs, stressful, weird time, but yeah.

Chelsea: And you serve at Koki doing a couple of things. You serve a lot in children's ministry.

Katie: I do, yes. So I did start out in the nursery and because Ethan with worship and with his practice, it was right in the middle of sunny school hour, so I was like, I just don't feel right going to a couple's class. What do I do? So I contacted Sherry and I was like, you know what, I'm just going to dive in. Where do you need me? So I started in the nursery and then she was like, I really need a four year old Sunday school teacher. And that was where I was kind of like, do I want to commit? I'm that person for that job, but we can try it. So, of course, it was right as COVID hit. So when we opened back up, I was the four year old Sunday school teacher with mask and everything. And I mean, I was nervous, but it has been so good. It was such a challenge and it's been great. And now I think I'm on my third or fourth year as the four year old Sunday school teacher. And then we also with Ms. Tanya and Lauren started up kids worship, which has been such a huge blessing.

Chelsea: So great. Everyone talks about it, right?

Katie: I love it. Awesome.

Chelsea: Okay, my first question is what currently stirs your love for God?

Katie: So I thought long and hard about this. Like I told you, I had multiple answers, but what I have to say, I think that kept sticking out in my mind that currently stirs my heart for the Lord is my kids. And all I could keep thinking was, if there is nothing else, that is an everyday, tangible showing of the gospel in my life every single day, of my kids, of you try to teach them things and then it makes you go, well, wait a minute, am I showing that? Am I teaching that? And so then it's like, all right, Lord, no, I'm not, and let's work on this and how do I fix this? But just currently they're at that tender age, too, where Shane is starting to understand and ask questions, and it's like, do I have the right answer? Am I studying enough that I know how to answer my seven year old child? Because he is very smart. And some questions I'm like, hold on, let me get back to you, buddy. And just the current world that we're living in and the fact that we can't hide from it, and how do I go about this and hit it with, like, a biblical view of how do you let them still live in this world but have the biblical view that you hope sticks with them? So that is what has really the first thing that has made me just dependent on the Lord and the Bible and the teachings of how to like, okay, this is serious. Now, it's not just maybe you could fake it for church or something like that. It's like, these are kids that live with you and they talk.

Chelsea: And they're.

Katie: Absorbing things when they do stuff, and sometimes it's things and you're just like, that's me. That was me. And then I have to go, you know what? I saw that, and that was Mama. And I know you've seen Mama do that and it's not okay, I am so sorry, but that has really stuck out to me. And like I said, just become more dependent on him to be able to teach and hopefully show them the right way to do things, because there's some.

Chelsea: Black and white things, there's some definite right things, and then there's a lot of wisdom things. They're like, this is what's wise for my seven year old and what's wise for maybe my experience and that I'm like, I could read all the books in the world and it still would not be the same as listening to the Holy Spirit, right? So there is like a I am with you there.

Katie: Absolutely. Well, and just like the talking, like, I love podcasts. I'm all about a podcast and books and everything and just talking through that. But basically he'll say, we'll see a commercial on TV that we can't avoid. And I wait and see if he asks a question, and he will. And I'll say, all right, buddy, well, let's stop, let's rewatch it, but let's pull out the Bible and see what the Bible says. And it's like, okay, well, that's where my podcast, my books all go out the window. And am I relying enough on the Bible? Rather than like what a podcast tells me or something else tells me.

Chelsea: Yes. And they're just living, breathing, walking, changing constantly.

Katie: Yes, because Shane is my sweet child that has such a kind heart and I love him. But right now, for some reason, we're dealing with attitude and it's just like, where is this coming from again, where you have to re examine yourself. And Ethan has too, like, are we doing this? Or like, how can we help him realize that this is not okay? So it's just like it's ever changing. Like you think you get to one step and you're like, okay, we're good. Yeah. And then something else comes up and you're like, all right, lord, I need you again.

Chelsea: Which is honestly, I think probably his whole design is like, I give you these things so that you will know how much you need me because I'm available and I want to help you.

Katie: Right? Absolutely.

Chelsea: That's good. Okay. The next question is what currently stifles your love for God?

Katie: It is nothing that he does, obviously. It's all me, but it would be the self doubt. And if I'm being completely honest, I told Ethan today, I said, you're going to be so proud of me. And he said, why is that? And I said, because I was so close to texting Chelsea and saying, I just don't feel qualified for this. I don't think I can do this. And he was like, well, I'm proud of you. Yes, because he knows how bad I am about I will talk myself out of something in equipment.

Chelsea: Got all the reasons.

Katie: And again, the self doubt of raising the kids of like, am I teaching them the right way? Am I doing? And then just like the four year old Sunday school class, the self doubt. I almost told Sherry like, no kids worship you. Almost didn't even go. I mean, thank the Lord for Miss Tanya Gamble because she was just like, oh, no, we're doing this. We are going to do this. Because I would just back out. But again, it's just that the mentality of I let the doubt come in and then I let it take over. And sometimes of this is too hard, or I'm just going to do it this way, and letting the doubt fester where I have to stop and just say, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Just like today I was like, no, me and Chelsea have been trying to do this for a while. And like you said, I don't have all the right answers. I didn't grow up in church. I wasn't saved until I was like 16 years old in high school, thankfully for a friend that invited me to youth group. So I think that's why children's ministry has such a big part of my heart is because I didn't grow up in church. So just that self doubt of how can you teach if you don't know all about. There's a lot of Bible stories that I learned right along with my four year old, but I'm like, you know what? We're going to do this. And I know that my heart's there and that I want to teach the young generation about the Lord. I love when Sherry said, we don't want them to remember the first time they heard the word God or Jesus or knew him. And I'm like, yeah, I love that because I can remember. I mean, I didn't grow up in church until I went to youth group, so I love that. But yeah, I do.

Chelsea: I let has it always been a thing for you or do you think, is it a recent thing or has it always been a doubt? Yeah, has it always been a thing for you?

Katie: Always been a thing like school sport? I never played school sports. My mom asked me to go out for softball one time because she played softball and I purposely did bad so I wouldn't make the team because I had such doubt that I was like, I'm not going to make it anyway. So I'm just sabotaging myself. I would run and jump over the base so that I wouldn't touch it. I mean, it's terrible. I'm kind of always like that, though. Even at work. I don't like to be by myself.

Chelsea: I'd rather not be the only person, right.

Katie: I want to be with somebody else so that if something goes wrong, there's two of us there at least. It's really bad. But that's what Ethan tells me all the time. He's like, you got to stop. You got this. You can do this. And I'm like, yeah. And when I end up doing it, I'm excited. I love it. It was great. It was.

Chelsea: Getting from point A to point B.

Katie: Is like the worst thing ever myself. Out of the women's retreat. Yeah, because it rained. Tim was like, I have cleared this weekend. I've got the kids. And I was like, and it's awful. I know I miss, like, a wonderful time and it would have been so good for me. But yeah, that's always been a thing I've struggled with, unfortunately.

Chelsea: Well, it seems like even I mean, just hearing you talk about it, though, it seems like you have enough trust muscle a little bit. You're like, okay, well, I'm going to step in there anyway, right? Even though I'm kind of freaking out a bit, which I think is kind of you were talking about when we thought about teaching the four year olds. How can I teach them if I don't know? But I had a heart for it and I wanted to do it, and it just reminds me of the things that the worldly voice tells us are important and things that God says are important, like the kingdom says are important. It's like a trust, a dependence, a humility to do it, trusting him, even if you can't see anything. Whereas that worldly wisdom, that worldly voice.

Katie: Is like, you got to have it.

Chelsea: Together to do this. You're inadequate if you don't.

Katie: Right.

Chelsea: Or listen to that anxious voice and trust that anxious voice. And we're trusting the Lord. So it just makes me think a little bit about what the world would say is important right. And what God would say is important.

Katie: Right?

Chelsea: Okay, fill in the blank. The truth that God is blank means a lot to you because blank, I.

Katie: Would say that the truth that say it one more time.

Chelsea: The truth that God is blank, okay, means a lot to you because the.

Katie: Truth that God is all knowing means a lot to me because it helps me with my doubt and almost self sabotage. But there's been so many instances in my life of looking back and saying, he knew it. He knew it all along. He knew exactly what was happening. And that it's like, okay. I remember the first time that I looked back and I was like, wait a minute. So I had a cousin that passed away in a car wreck. I was only eight years old, didn't grow up in church. It was to say that it rocked my world.

Chelsea: Same a similar age? Same age.

Katie: No, he was 18. He was on his way home to surprise his mom for her birthday. But he had everything going for him. Like, he was a baseball player, basketball player, football player. I mean, everything just that was the first big event like that of losing somebody that I just spoke to and eight years old, I didn't know it rocked my world. And I was just like, what in the world? So his funeral, I'll never forget it was at Abilene with brother Bill Harold. And I remember just sitting there like, doubting God, just, how could you let this happen? And he was such a great guy. I'll never forget that. So mine and Ethan's wedding years later was originally scheduled at Warren back to church. But for some reason we just kept saying and we were kind of trying to figure out where we wanted to plant as a couple. So the date was taken at Warren Baptist and we ended up moving it to Abilene. And I didn't think anything of it. I was like, okay, we have been attending, and he was a member. But I'll never forget that I did a first look with my dad, which a lot of people were kind of like, Why? And I was like, I don't know, I'm just doing it. But the doors opened and the first person I saw I don't know when.

Chelsea: You did the first look with your.

Katie: Dad or no, when I was walking down, I'd already seen my dad and got that out of the way and cry, okay. But the doors opened and the first person I saw was my Uncle Reynold at Abilene. And I never forget. You can see on the video, I'm just boohooing because it all just came. And it was in that moment that I was like, he knew. He knew. He has brought me back to the exact place that I doubted him. He's brought me back to say, no, I got you. You know what I mean? And I was saved at Abilene and rededicated my life and just all that that it was like, I could have seen my dad for the first time. I could have seen Ethan for the first time. I could have seen anybody, but I saw my Uncle Reynold. And it was like at that moment, it was his son that had passed. Yeah, it was like in that moment, it was just like he knew he had me. It was like, okay. And then there's just been instances after that that I can just look back and say, he knew. He knew. Another just recently, one was that my friend Meredith, I don't know if we talked that passed of leukemia the morning before she was put on the ventilator or the day before. I went and talked to her and we had talked or whatever, and we prayed. And I asked could I pray for and she said yes. And I remember the words just redeeming love, let your redeeming love be shown through this situation and this battle that you're facing. Because she had family members that had distanced theirselves, and there was some strife and fighting going on, and I remember praying for that. And then she passed. And it was kind of out of my mind, and it was just like, what in the world? I think some of the family did come, but I was like, man, why were those words put on my heart and all that. And since then, randomly, my best friend that I grew up with, we had parted ways. We've reconnected. Wow. My cousin and my mom and her sister that were not speaking have reconnected. And I sit back and I'm like, he knew. Once again, he knew it wasn't per se Meredith. I think some bridges were getting but it was like it was shown because of those because of what happened with Meredith, I have a completely different outlook on relationships and holding on to grudges and you just never know. And it was just like you put those words on my heart because you're redeeming love for my relationships also in my life. It's one of those that, again, there's multiple instances, but where I can just sit back and when things go a certain way or do things I've had that foundation of, he knows. I may not figure out here, not every instance am I going to get a happy ending like that and understand what's going on, but it's just like I can have that and know that there is a reason and it's for the best for me. He has my best interests at heart. So I can keep on that and have peace, knowing that he's not confused. Right.

Chelsea: He's not concerned about exactly. There's like a steadiness in the fact that he like you're saying he knows all the things and all the ins and outs of that.

Katie: Right. And I mean, just things that we could never fathom things happen. And you're just like you just kind of sit back and chuckle and you're like, wow. Kind of like, okay, I get it.

Chelsea: Something that's pretty cool about that, too. And you could probably speak to this is I feel like the more I heard someone say recently that they started journaling their prayers because someone told them that not only if you don't journal, but if you don't journal, then if you don't journal as you go, then you miss the small ways that God might be answering things. You only just think of the big things. Say you're praying for something or asking for something, and two years later maybe it happens and you just think it took two years to get there. But if you're kind of like asking for awareness of him as you go, he might show you twelve different things in those two years. It's like, I do see you.

Katie: Right.

Chelsea: I see you. I'm with you and I know you right.

Katie: Yeah.

Chelsea: That is cool.

Katie: Right? Well, I mean, and just like the whole what stirs me and talking about my kids is we're at that tender age where Shane is asking questions and I so bad just want to be like, let's pray this prayer. But again, it's that ripping that ritual away. No, let's see a changed life, let's see a changed heart and let's understand. I sit back and I'm like, okay, Lord, I know you're working. You know what I mean? And it's like one of those that you just want to be like, come on. But again, me and Ethan have talked about it multiple times that we want that to be Shane. And there's sometimes that we are so and we're like me and Ethan are looking at each other and it's such a good, sweet conversation and he's just like, okay, thanks. And we're like, okay, Lord, there's a reason. But because I've had all that, I can look back and say there's a reason. There is a reason why we're still working and on chain. Because again, I don't want it to be that you're six or seven years old and you pray a prayer and nothing changes. You want it to be a true this is coming from his heart. This is something that the Lord has orchestrated and had nothing to do with us.

Chelsea: Right?

Katie: Yeah.

Chelsea: That is really cool. Okay, my last question is what is something you're looking forward to again?

Katie: One would be, of course, the day of their salvation. We were at Old Coyote for the Hymnsing and I teared up just even like that. The baptismal was down there and it was just like, ma'am, what a ethan is probably going to laugh at me, but I mean, I will just be destroyed because this is like, I cannot wait. And every time I've gone to the baptism and watch the baptisms, it's like I cry and I pray and I'm like, I cannot wait for that day. Like, what a glorious day that will be. Because it's like just the thought of when they are changed and they accept Christ and you won't be able to the kids in school, I love it. I love them learning new things and doing new things. I love to see shane is such a kind, sweet soul and I just love watching them grow. I mean, it's a sad moment sometimes where you're just like he said something the other day about second grade and I was like, whoa, buddy, give me the summer. You know what I mean?

Chelsea: We're not there yet.

Katie: Yeah, have the summer, please. Watching them grow and it's fun.

Chelsea: Yeah.

Katie: But it's also just so quick.

Chelsea: Well, thank you very much.

Katie: Thank you.