Monica and Ricky Sotolongo have been married for 15 years, have 8 beautiful children and run a nonprofit organization called Abide to Love. The mission? Diminishing injustice by restoring family. Monica says, "That's our heart. It's what we do together as a family. And it's what we now do as a ministry." We talk about cultivating a regular habit of gazing at God, how distractions can stifle our love for God, His holiness and so much more.
chelseaeubank.com
@realstoriesoflifewithGod
Monica and Ricky Sotolongo have been married for 15 years, have 8 beautiful children and run a nonprofit organization called Abide to Love. The mission? Diminishing injustice by restoring family. Monica says, "That's our heart. It's what we do together as a family. And it's what we now do as a ministry." We talk about cultivating a regular habit of gazing at God, how distractions can stifle our love for God, His holiness and so much more.
chelseaeubank.com
@realstoriesoflifewithGod
Our faith journey is a story unique to each individual and is constantly being written. No two people are identical. No two days are alike, but God is the same. This is the real stories of life with God podcast a place for honest conversations about life and faith. I'm your host Chelsea Eubank. And I'm really glad you're here. Let's jump into today's episode.
Monica Sotolongo:my name is Monica. Sotolongo. Um, I am married to my absolute bestest friend in the whole world outside of Holy Spirit. And we've been married for 15 years come this November, which is a little bit wild. We have eight kiddos, and five came out of my belly is the best way to describe it. Five, out of my belly. Three, we adopted internationally from Ukraine. And we've also been foster parents, locally in the state of Florida. We were refugee foster parents, and we've also hosted children from different countries in the world. So we love this space. And this heart of God for Children and Families is a big deal for us. Which is why my husband and I run our nonprofit ministry, which was established in 2020. It's called Abide to Love. And right now by to love, it kind of has big dreams, we have big dreams with Jesus not gonna lie. But right now we're doing two different facets of it. One is our Restorer Families Program, which essentially we are doing in alternatives to foster care here in the state of Florida, which we are super, super excited about. And we're the first of our kind to do it in the way we're doing it. So that's really fun. And and then we're starting literally next week, we're starting discipleship courses to raise up healthy families. So there's going to be online courses that we're going to give probably three different times in a year. And that's going to be facilitating Healthy Marriage, healthy family, healthy parenting, healthy individuals, teaching people how to hear the voice of God, all that good stuff. And so right now, those are the two facets that run under our nonprofit. But essentially, our big motto is diminishing injustice by restoring family. So that's our heart. It's what we do together as a family. And it's what we now do as a ministry.
Chelsea Eubank:I love it so much. Awesome. So did I've never asked you this before in our handful of conversations. But did you and Ricky come from big families?
Monica Sotolongo:No, Ricky has one sibling and I have one sibling.
Chelsea Eubank:Okay. Did you always know you wanted to? I mean, you kind of did are always have that? Or did you kind of form that together that love for the discipleship and family and big family? You know?
Monica Sotolongo:Sure. No, I mean, Ricky when we met in high school, so when I met him, he really, really wanted to be a dad. And that scared me for a good five years. And then Jesus changed my heart led to actual true story. And so Jesus changed my heart when we got engaged. And so we thought we would want have a family for sure. But we thought big and big for us was three. And so we have superseded that two and a half times over and I don't think we're done adopting, was they were we expecting this? Absolutely not. This surprised us? You know,
Chelsea Eubank:you gotta love it. The adventures with the Lord, though. It's so fun, although I will say, I mean, anyone would agree with that. But it takes a lot of courage to step into a big following him and that way, you know, I mean, it might be wonderful and exciting, but
Monica Sotolongo:it takes a lot of faith. It does friend It does. Yeah, especially when it comes to kiddos that I mean, if you're, if you have kiddos in your home that are being fostered or you're adopting kiddos, you have to realize that they're coming out of broken their own broken families. And so it's not this, you know, it's different. It's truly different. Because you have to have the courage to say yes, even when sometimes it's going to feel like saying no, and so yeah, it's it's definitely different than you would think it is. But it's it's incredibly faith building, and it's incredibly transformational. And for those things, yes and amen.
Chelsea Eubank:Yes, amen. Okay, I'm excited about our competition. At the top of it, I'm going to read two of the verses that inspire two of these questions. In Matthew 22, Jesus is asked, which is the greatest commandment in the law and he responds, love Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment and the second is like it Love your neighbor as yourself. My first question for you is what currently stirs your love for God. I love it.
Monica Sotolongo:I love it. Well, I was really excited when I was thinking about this question. And my favorite answer in the world, and I usually have to explain is just looking at him. And what that means for me is oftentimes I'll just sit in my bed or like this morning, actually, I just went and sat on my couch, and I put on a worship song. And I just literally looked up, I turned my gaze, it's a posture deal. So obviously, I'm seeing the ceiling, like, you know, or I'm picturing Jesus, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, I'm picturing Yes. But it's the posture of my heart, to look up to gaze towards him. And when I do that, oftentimes he encounters me, you know, in, in, whether it's through worship, or he's drawing, you know, there's pictures that are flashing through my mind in the way that he's speaking to me, or there's a scripture that he's bringing to mind. It's the posture, when I look at him, that does something for my heart. And so that's one of the ways specifically staring my left for the Lord. I would say worship is another huge one. I literally worship all day, every day, if not, I have YouTube on that's thinking for me. That's a really big. Yeah. And I feel like another really big one. And something that I actually find myself doing all the time is hearing other's testimonies. So I really, yeah, I really love Whether I'm talking to friends. And they're sharing something that the Lord did. Or I'm listening to, you know, something on YouTube, or podcasts or whatever I am, even even my kids, like, I'll actually encourage my kids like, What is God saying to you? Because I just so want to hear the Lord. It's like, if you're when you're newly dating, and your boyfriend goes and has a conversation with somebody that you barely know, but you just love them so much that you want to go to that other person and go, What was he talking about? Yeah, you know what I mean? Like, what's the into? What's he saying? Like kind of that deal. I'm like, I just, I just want to be near him. And so hearing other testimonies, is like getting us deeper sneak peek into his heart. So I would say that's another big serve. For me.
Chelsea Eubank:We have a quote by Dallas Willard taped to the fridge for the past two years. And the first line says, The first and most basic thing we can do to care for our souls is to keep God before our mind. Yes. You know, it's like just keeping him at the forefront, and that it takes small shifts or big shifts, you know, but a lot of times, it doesn't have to be huge, which is kind of what I love about what you said about posture that, like putting those reminders up playing that music, keeping that pole, that pole start keeping that North, you know, compass like train, yeah. In the direction of the Lord. I think that's huge.
Monica Sotolongo:So you, Trent, if we would do that we would find ourselves with way less problems or stressors that we think are ginormous, and all of a sudden they take the helm, when in reality, if he has the helm those things just yeah, they come way down in terms of importance.
Chelsea Eubank:That's good. That's good. Okay, on the opposite side, I guess, is there anything currently stifling your love for him?
Monica Sotolongo:I would say, one of the things that he's really challenged me on is Mindlessly scrolling through social media. Yeah, which I feel like is so easy to do. And we'll say we don't want to do and then we do it. And so that's actually been a challenge for me. And so anyway, that's one of the areas that I feel like that can easily stifle or even stifle the invitation, right? Because there's times that I feel like the Lord is wooing me like, he's just like, I want to spend time with you. But it's so much you know, if you're doing something or you're distracting yourself, like that invitation is easier to say no to than it would be, you know, if you had your full attention. And so that would be I think, one of the ways that stifles and the other thing that I wrote down was actually choosing to follow my feelings instead of truths. Because our feelings can be very deceitful. And, you know, one of the things that has been a great challenge to me, probably the Lord has been embedding this in me for, I don't know, close to a decade is that truth is truth, no matter how I feel. And so the consistency of not allowing my feelings to determine what my day looks like, because very easily my feelings of frustration, or you know, anger, or sadness, or you know, my kid was disrespectful, like, what my feelings want to do and what is actually true are two different things. And so that you know, that practice of really allowing truths instead of my feelings so that my love isn't stifled or distracted or any of the other things you know that it can be if I take my eyes from truth.
Chelsea Eubank:And I don't know which one of those I would rather dive into. I was gonna ask a practical question about the scrolling, have you found any practical guardrail? Or anything that helps you with that? Or is that just kind of a? because I totally love how you phrase because I've been, I've been feeling that for the past couple of years to that the thing in itself might not be bad or wrong or even harmful to me. But sometimes, he's inviting me. And I say, No, yeah, sometimes he releases me to do that thing to watch that really great. I love a good sports movie. And so it's like, TV's not bad. sports movies are not bad. But when he would rather me just sit with him instead. And then other days, he's like, Yeah, let's go enjoy this movie. That's great. You know, but I want to be attune to that. I don't want to miss that. And another, it's not like perfection or anything, but, but I hear you and that, and I love the way that you phrase that. So I'm just going to ask you personally, have you found any practices are boundary lines for you with that?
Monica Sotolongo:Well, I love how you shared even how you're like, Okay, well, sometimes he releases me to go watch a sports movie. And sometimes the Lord has released me to literally look things up on social media. I've watched, you know, the Lord has actually pointed me to social media on occasion to something specific, he's actually wanting me to see. And so in and of itself, it isn't bad. But it comes back down to that posture. And actually, for example, with the sports movie, everything that I do, I do with him. And so my guardrail is kind of that consistent, that constant awareness of he's right here. Like and I think we're, we're tempted to, you know, dismiss the guardrails is when we're like, oh, okay, you know, like, he's, he's distant. We don't realize we're doing it, but we're doing it. We're like the Lord, you know, he's president, but you know, he's not. And so I'm just gonna sit here know, if we would literally think about every single thing that we do, as a friendship as a dance with him, because he's right here, then it would change the way that we're scrolling on our Facebook, it would change the way that we watch the movie, you know, I've actually instead of sitting down to watch movies apart from him, you know, I actually do that stuff with him. And that changes everything about how we interact with literally everything, if we realize that we're doing it with our best friend. And so at that point, he has permission to us and invite us at any point, you know, and so yeah, I love that friend. I mean, outside of that, I feel like guardrail wise, is just asking Holy Spirit to help me. Like, I will literally ask him, Holy Spirit helped me like if I'm spending too much time doing something I need to do, let me know. And he's a good friend. He's a good friend, you know? Yeah. So he helps me. He'll tell me to stop and I'll be like, Okay, I hear you.
Chelsea Eubank:Yes. I think what you're getting at there, that is feels really risky, to a lot of people, but also is the most incredible thing. Part of the gospel is the freedom and the friendship, you know, like, I can trust him to lead me but I also need to be paying attention to him. Yeah, you know, there's not legalistic there cycle rule following. That's what I grew up conditioned in that, and it took me a lot of years and freedom was very scary to me. I thought I would miss it. I'm like, I don't know if I can just trust him to tell me, you know, what, if I miss it, what if and what if he you know, he does disappoint him or something. I'm like, Oh, snap, you know, so like, something that's risky, but also the most incredible thing is, like you said, he's good. Like, we forget his nature. And we start adding rules, and our own measuring sticks. And then we feel shame. Anyway, it's just like this whole cycle, as opposed to just staying open to him and staying attuned to him and asking for help and staying needy and dependent and trust. Yeah, he will, he will get up there. He will get us there.
Monica Sotolongo:Yes, it's so good. I love how you mentioned that. It's it is risky. Because it's trust and trust is risky. When it comes to the Lord, though, I think. I always say when I walk through something, it's like putting another I'm trying to think and then like a pebble in a bag. But like every time that I walk through another experience with the Lord and the Lord comes through, or he'll whisper that where I asked him to help me and he helped me right. Every time that that happens. I feel like it's just another little testimony I can put in my pocket until my pocket is like this massive thing, full of you know, the testimonies of him actually being my friend. And him being as good makes me want to cry him being as good as he said he was right in the Scripture. So it's no longer like I'm reading it in Scripture, but will he do it for me? It's now looking at these these testimonies and going, Wow, for the last, you know, 18 years, this is what you've done for me. So today, when I need that you're gonna do it again. And you know, it's really what builds our willingness to take the risk every time. And so I just love I love that though friends because I grew up very similar to you. And it took me a really long time to understand that he wasn't it. He wasn't a god I needed to be afraid of, yes, he's a God, I need to fear. He's more holy than we understand. But he's not a God to be afraid of. He's very, very good and kind of nature. And so I just love that friend. Yeah, it's good.
Chelsea Eubank:Okay, speaking of his nature, the truth that God is blank means a lot to you. Because, like,
Monica Sotolongo:I laugh, because I literally what I want to say is the truth that God is holy. And it's funny, because as I was like, as I'm pondering this, I actually His Holiness is not necessarily the first thing that always comes to mind. Like I wrote a book called my friend, Holy Spirit. And he legitimately is my best friend. And so like that, for me a question like yours would be like, Okay, well, we'll talk about friendship, or we'll talk about kindness or all the things that I regularly talk about the Lord and but one of the things he's really been like, it really impressed my heart was the truth that God is holy means a lot to me, because I'm in love. And the correlation between those two is this, I want to be like him, I adore his friendship, but realize the calls to being transformed into His image is not a light thing. And so the more that I learned about the Lord, even the things that it feels scary to people, like His Holiness, the reality is, is that the Word says that we're being transformed into His image. And so if I'm a girl that's in love, if I'm a girl that is his best friend, then I'm not going to shy away from his holiness. But I'm gonna be willing to be transformed into the full package of God, right. And that includes the standard, the standard for holiness is still there. Every day, I should be sending less. You know what I mean? Like, if I'm being transformed into His image every day, I should look more like him, because that's what's going to happen when you're in love. And so a big part of that, to me is His Holiness. And I just, I don't know, it's been transforming me.
Chelsea Eubank:I love something that you said, How did you phrase I'm not going to phrase it the same way. But basically the idea that like, the more that we learn about him, because he's holy, and perfect, and purely beautiful, the more we learn about him, them, we can't not love Him more. Yes, we cannot adore him more, the more we learn, and the more we see. And what else in life is like that? You know, sure. What else? What else in life is a bottomless pit of pleasure and enjoyment and adventure and inspiration? And yeah, nothing. Nothing. And it's so convicting and inspiring and challenging to say, I will never regret any moment I spend desiring him and following and receiving Him, ever.
Monica Sotolongo:Never, never, I don't look back once and think, wow, when I spend that time with the Lord, I really would have rather done something different, like, and I'm only 37 Like, I have a whole lot more years in front of me, and I haven't regretted it yet. So.
Chelsea Eubank:And it's just there, there's something I want to really want to say humble before him because I think I say that, and I mean it, you know, like, we have tasted and seen the goodness of God in very real ways. And yet, there are still days and moments when I would rather numb out or escape into Netflix or cookie dough, or, you know, XY and Z. And I'm like, because the world is just intense, you know, and my flesh is just intense and I'm grateful for his patience with me and kindness, but that just makes me more amazed that I'm in him and with him, you know, to me there's just like this full cycle of of submission or surrender or trust or humility and just like amazement, you know, like I want to stay in that way like as much as I would love to not you know, like there are always going to be things in my life I'm like, Wow, I'm still struggling with that or like wow, I still choose that over God ever spent any time Yeah, yeah, there will there will always be those things hopefully less of them as we go but there will always be that you know, because anyway, the world and sin and flesh and everything but I hope and pray that humble posture of I get all this in the Lord like I get the Lord and then the rest of this stuff like I get god. Yeah, friends, everything. Yeah, like, I just I never want us to lose that, you know, as I just never would take that for granted. You know, like, I never want that to be like, Oh, I'm okay. Now. You know, it's been 20 years of knowing do them like, I'm doing pretty good. You know, it's like, there's always more to know of him.
Monica Sotolongo:So much more, so much more. I literally was walking down the beach. Recently, I was on vacation, and I was just looking at the ocean. And I, you know, the Lord actually pointed out to me, like, I'm bigger than this ocean that's sitting in front of you. And we're only looking at a piece, right? Like, we're, I'm literally looking at the golf, you know, for like, I don't know, 20 miles. And I'm thinking to myself, just this, like, just this would take a lifetime, to really dive into and scour and make sure we're not missing any of the corners. And to think that the Lord is that plus a million. And I'm like, we're, there's a reason why we're going to be learning about you our entire lives. And it'll take 1000s of years and eternity.
Chelsea Eubank:Like, and we're gonna love it.
Monica Sotolongo:Yes, it's true. Every part of him that I've met so far, that he's got multiple parts, but you know what I mean, the depth of him. Yeah, every place of deeper that I've gone with him. I'm like, Man, I actually love you more. So I can't imagine loving you more than this. And then he'll show another part of his heart. And I'm like, Oh, my gosh, like, I literally think I might explode. I don't know if I can handle it. Yeah. Yeah, it's amazing. Oh,
Chelsea Eubank:I know it. Okay, so my last question is, what are you looking forward to?
Monica Sotolongo:What am I looking forward to? I am looking forward to right now. Everything we are, yeah, we're, we're waiting on the we're in transition in terms of home. And so we're waiting on the Lord to bring us home. And so home is something I'm looking forward to. But I would also say that I've found home in the Lord in this transition, like he's become home. And so one of the things I think that's really surprised me about things I'm looking forward to, is the Lord really challenging me to be super present. And actually know that the fullness of Him is in with me in this day, just like it will be when I get all the things that I'm looking forward to. So I don't know if that answers your question. Well, but really, one of the things he's been challenging me on is, like, we have like tangible things that we've been really looking forward to in this process of transition as a family. But the real big thing that the Lord has been challenging us on is you already have everything because you have me like I am home. I am home I am I am provision. I am strength. I am, you know, the one that wipes your tears in hard moments. I am and you don't have to leave where you are to get that I actually am all those things with you right now, in this moment, the way that I will be in the future in those moments as well. And so yeah, I would say it's kind of twofold.
Chelsea Eubank:I love that sounds beautiful. Well, as an official wrapping up this conversation, thank you again.
Monica Sotolongo:You're welcome.
Chelsea Eubank:Thank you This was a true treat for my soul.
Monica Sotolongo:You're super welcome Fred. It's such a really is such an honor.
Chelsea Eubank:Listening friends. It means a lot that you added us to your day to day. Thank you. Wherever you find yourself on your journey with Jesus. I hope you finished this episode with your faith inspired, refreshed or strengthened